Broken.. Like Forever?

It's been 2 years, I've told you so many times about it before
Time goes on, there's so many things come through our life
I've found someone else in my life, for so many times
But guess what? It didn't work, and maybe it will never work

Once upon a time, i had a perfect dream, it was him
Someone that used to be my partner in crime, in everything that we should do
He's gone for some reasons that i can't tell, and it's all because of me
I have no idea how to forget him
I tried harder and harder, but still it's not working

I've heard that he's gonna married in 2 months later
I am broken, i wanted him like nobody else do
He's like, the perfect one for me
All i want is him, always be

I am lost somehow, i don't really know what i wanted except him
I wish somebody could help me through all of this
Because honestly, i can't stand it alone
I am broken, i am crazy into him
Like, forever...

Failed.

He left with no goodbye. I don't know why. I don't know what happened about him.
All i know that it's been almost 2 months. There's no news about him. He's disappear, i don't know where.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle about it. I am lost.
I was trying to wait. But guess i shouldn't. What's over, is over.
There's no "us" anymore. It's only between me and him.
Someone told me, that something might be happened to him. What should i say? For God's sake, i don't know anything.
So, i am just stay here. Thinking for something that wouldn't come around. I am silly. I know.
I miss him. I really do.
But i know if he's mean to be mine, then he will. I will just let him go.
Somewhere, somehow, i will find my happiness sooner or later.

D for Disca

Disca. She's one of my best people. She is random, crazy, pretty, and so old. I do love her so much. She's my best one. We always do craziest thing together. No matter where and when. We do anything to have fun. Yes, all we need is a happy life.
Yesterday, she came to my house. She's an architect student and something happened to her laptop. Guess what? Yes, she came to my house to fixed her laptop. I helped her. But then we're just having fun at my house. Actually, there's nothing happened with her laptop. She's just.. Don't understand how to install some stuff. Duh it's kinda easy though. But yeah, that's her.
We shared some things, we talked all the day, we looked for some pictures, and then i found this one :

Hahaha. Sometimes i called her "bebek". Bebek means duck. I don't know why, but i love to call her bebek. It's just, suit her face. Bhahaha. I am kidding. -_-
She's my bestfriend. So with this picture, it can describe that we both are duck and we are stay together as bestfriend. Whatever she comes along, i am with her. Always.

Xoxo,
Tika.

you may say "what a day!"

Just back from the activity to write this unforgettable moment.

Selasa (4 Juni 2012).. Awalnya berasa badmood + ga enak badan. Pagi-pagi pas dateng ke kampus pun suasanya sepi banget. Makin ga niat lah kuliah. Akhirnya gue duduk dibawah pohon berdua sama temen gue namanya Tyas. Satu persatu temen-temen gue pada dateng. Dan pada akhirnya gue naik ke atas, sedangkan temen-temen gue sebangsa Tyas, Ocha, Fathiyah, dan Ageng pada ke indomaret buat belanja snack.

Sesampainya di kelas, gue menyendiri. Karna mood hari itu awalnya ga beres banget. Menyedihkan pokoknya. Gue pun pinjem jaketnya Faisal karna gue kedinginan. Dan waktu pun berlalu, ternyata dosen matematika dasar ga ada dan diganti sama dosen baru. Setelah itu, dosen keluar dan masuk lah bu Dina. Ternyata ada perbaikan nilai. Jadi ya sudahlah kita-kita semua melakukan perbaikan nilai dengan mengerjakan soal UTS (lagi).

Dan disinilah kejadian hari itu dimulai. Ya, kejadian dimana ga akan gue lupa.

Temen-temen deket gue tau mood gue lagi ga baik. Makanya mereka juga diem aja. Tapi karna mereka baik, gue masih diajak main dalam keadaan mood gue yang hancur berantakan. Tyas pun bilang, "Lau mau ikut ke rumah gue ga?" Dan gue pun jawab, "Iya, boleh."

Yasudah, setelah pelajaran bu Dina berakhir, gue, Tyas, Ocha, Fathiyah, dan Intan pun naik angkot dengan senangnya. Kita pun sempet mampir ke SOP DURIAN untuk di makan di rumah Tyas. Beberapa menit kemudian sampai lah di rumah Tyas. Namun gue ngerasa was-was, takut kalo mata kuliah selanjutnya bakal dimajuin. Yaudah lah gue sms Kurniawan dan dia bilang "Iya, masuknya seperti biasa."

Karna dia bilang kayak gitu, yaudah dong gue santai. Sampai di rumah Tyas kita pada laper nih. yaudah akhirnya gue, Ocha, dan Tyas masak nasi goreng. Sedangkan Intan ngerjain LA dan Fathiyah sibuk sama handphone-nya. Tapiii.... Karna gue masih was-was gue telfon Angga. Dan gue minta dia sms kalo dosennya udah masuk. Nasi goreng baru jadi, dan tiba-tiba Faisal telfon gue, "Tik.. Dosen udah dateng."

Dalam hati, mampus gue.. Kalo ada perbaikan nilai gimana nasibnya...

Kalo Tyas mikirnya beda lagi, dia bilang : "Ini nasi goreng baru jadi. Masa mau ditinggal?"

Haha konyol abis. Anak-anak pada gue teriakin tapi mukanya pada datar semua. Yaudah akhirnya gue telfon si Angga, ada apa aja di kelas. Dan Angga bilang cuma absen. Fiuhhh ya sudahlah, ga usah masuk aja. Dan kita pun melanjutkan makan nasi goreng. Tapiiii.... Septian BBM Tyas dan Ageng BBM gue, katanya yang ga masuk nilainya di kurangi -2.

Paniklah kita semua! Tanpa kehabisan ide, gue sms Kurniawan, gue bilang kalo gue bisa nyusul gue bakal nyusul sama yang lain. Dan dia pun meng-iya-kan. Tanpa habis pikir, kita langsung cabut dari rumah Tyas dan pergi ke kampus. Dan kalian tau kita naik apa? Ya, kita naik taksi. Baru mau naik taksi, Faisal udah telpon gue (lagi). Beginilah percakapan kita :
F : "Tik, buruan dateng. Ditungguin sama dosennya."
T : "Iya bang, sabar. Ini gue lagi naik taksi, otw."
F : "Hah? Naik taksi? Ha ha."
T : "Udah, nanti gue tlp lagi. dah."
Dan gue langsung matiin telfon-nya.

Untungnya si pengemudi taksi pengertian. Dia pun ngebut secepat mungkin dan ngeeeeng.. Kita sampai! Blah blah blah pokoknya udah absen lah kita, walaupun katanya bu Novita ngambek karna kita lama. Setelah itu, akhirnya kita berencana balik lagi ke rumah Tyas tapi tanpa Fathiyah karna dia memutuskan untuk pulang. Dan yah, naik taksi (lagi).

Didalam taksi, gue, Tyas, Intan pada update twitter. Pada rusuhlah pokoknya hahaha. Dan pada akhirnya si Intan keceplosan baca tweet dari Ocha.

Gila... Bill-nyaa...

Karna dia bilang gitu kita langsung noleh ke Intan dan ke bill taksi tersebut. Berasa malu banget pas Intan ngomong gitu. Rasanya pengen langsung turun! Masalahnya kan malu lah ya sama supir taksinya. -__- Dengan menahan tawa, kita semua diem dengan muka malu. Pas turun dari taksi, barulah kita tertawa lebar dengan kebodohan Intan. Duh, what a day ya.

Feeling so "white"

Hello everyone! I am totally back to write something that you may call unimportant thing. :p
Yes, after a long time i don't write anything. I will write something that changed my day.
I'm in love with a guy which is my classmate. He is so different, really different.
He's not so handsome, but i really like his personality.
It's just seems like my father. I don't know why. -_-
Duh i can't explain how i feel. It's near, perfect.
He just made my day. He made me feel like i am the one.
He made me smile, he made me happy, he made me laugh.
And because of that, i really [really] want to hug him!
He is the one. He is the one who makes me feel like i'm a special girl.
Everyday we met but it's not enough for me to see him.
I want to live with him, so much. But that's impossible.
I am not that good for him. :')
But anyway, we are bestfriend. And i think that's enough for us.
I am good with it. I am brave enough to go on. I wish.
He made me feeling so white.
I don't know who i am when i am with him.
And i don't really know who i am when i am not with him.

What A College Life.

duh sorry guys. it's not that i don't want to post anything but i have a busy week.
there's a lot of things that i have to do. and i can't leave it.
i just wish i can ignore it all, but still i can't.
and now i'm kinda sick because i have no rest for some days -_-
have a nice weekend for you all! i will back as soon as possible. XOXO ♥

he is my "SUPER-REAL" dad. :)

we were text-ing each other. me and my father.
i was mad at my friends and i told him how mad i am.
and he said "nobody is perfect"
and then i said "do not you think that mother is perfect? Lol xD"
and he replied my message like this:

  

what a sweet father. :]

we are a father and a daughter but we seems like brother and sister.

we played, we had fun, we cooked, we smiled and anything.

i can't explain one by one.

but surely, i feel so lucky to have a father like him.

even he's my step father, i do love him more than my real father.

sometimes i cried 'cause i wanna live with him.

he's sick and now he lives far away from me.

sad, isn't it?

but it's fine. i am happy as long as he's happy.

i want him to be fine, to be health like he used to. he deserves it.

God loves him. he is still alive. and i might be the happier girl in the world because of that.

damn. i miss his laugh. :'(

i miss EVERYTHING about him.

dear Dad,

You mean so very much to me,
And I want you to know
That you are always in my heart,
No matter where I go.

You're always giving, always there
To help in any way;
The loving things you've done for me,
I never could repay.

I can't imagine what I'd do
Without the love you give.
I'll treasure your sweet heart of gold
As long as I shall live.

The many things you've done,
all the times that you were there,
Helps me know deep down inside
how much you really care.

Even though I might not say it,
I appreciate all you do
So richly blessed is how I feel
for having a father just like you.

"real" friend is HARD to find

teman mungkin akan mudah didapatkan kalau kita bisa bergaul. tapi, untuk mendapatkan teman yang benar-benar baik dan tulus itu amat sangat susah dicari.
gue ga minta lo, lo dan lo untuk menjadi temen yang baik buat gue. mau kalian baik ya syukur alhamdullilah, engga juga gue ga rugi. setidaknya hormatilah gue karna gue udah menghormati kalian. sadar diri sedikit lah ya, ga usah "sok iya" gitu. yang ada gue malah makin ogah HAHA.
such a bad friends.
jadi mulai sekarang jangan heran atau bertanya-tanya kenapa gue bisa cuek karna gue udah ga peduli lagi. mind that.

college life

my friend being a papparazi here. ;P

we were have fun.

such a lovely friends. ;]

unpredictable day

so, last morning i woke up not so early like usual. i don't know but when thursday come, i feel so lazy to go to the college. and sometimes, the weather trying to talk to me like "i won't let you go away from your bed and that's why i'm going to be a bad weather right now."
but still, i have to go. like it or not, i have to go.
everyday i'm going to college with my friend called Tyas. but when i sent her BBM last morning, she didn't replied. and i bet she haven't wake up yet. and TADAA! i was right. and then she said that she won't come to our first class and i said "okay." yes, just okay. i don't know anything else to say.
i came and yeah, such a horrible morning. no friend to chill, no friend to chit and chat, no friend to share something 'important' for me. i meant, there's no close friend. my close friends are late. and i don't know what to do, i'm kinda silent like i lost a part of me that morning. :3
anyway, there's a moment in our first class, bad moment. one of my friends have to leave the class because he's being crowd. and all the student like, "psssh shut up! i don't want to leave the class just like him." hahaha xD
it's going bad, i meant our first class. i don't like the way he taught us. he is very fast and i'm badmood just because of him.
our second class, it was good. but after that we're lazy to come to our third and fourth class. (READ: Me, Tyas, Ocha)
and finally, we left the class and go to a mall and going to singing along!
we were have fun, and i'm happy. ;]

my wish for you

i don't know what to write. i have a lot of things in my mind. duh -_- i have a lot of assignments for college thingy and God, it makes me tired. but it's fine, i enjoyed it. ;]
today i'm gonna write about something that make you realize how precious life is.

i hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow and each road leads you where you want to go. and if you're faced with a choice and you have to choose, i hope you choose the one that means the most to you. and if one door opens  to another door closed, i hope you keep on walking till you find the window. if it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.
but more than anything, my wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to, your dreams stay big and your worries stay small. you never need to carry more than you can hold, and while you're out there getting where you're getting to. and once more, i hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too.
i hope you never look back, but you never forget, all the ones who love you, in the place you left, i hope you always forgive and you never regret, and you help somebody every chance you get.
oh you find God's grace, in every mistake and you always give more than you take.

BestFriend ♥

bestfriend. such a wonderful word since we read it. without them, our life would be empty and flat. they're such a good listener when we are weak because of our relationship with a boy. they're such a good clown when we are crying because of something randomly. they are such a good sister when we are ill and lazy to move our body. and ANYTHING! i can't tell it one by one.
but sure, if you had a bestfriend, you knew how amazing life is to spend together with them.
honestly, i'm happy. i had a lot of bestfriends. they are always here, no matter what. when i'm sad, i'm happy, i feel awful, i feel terrible, they are here. beside me ♥
we can do anything crazy like we are lesbians. ofcourse it's just a way for us to have fun, not for real. =D
it's fun enough, unless someone look into us and think like we're (i meant me and my bestfriend) weird people. hahaha well maybe that's true. but one more, it's just for fun!

It's Happening Again

what is it? what's happening again?
oh yes, it's about me and my EX called "D".
we're classmate in college.
i'm falling for him since 3 months ago and 'till now.
we broke up 1 month ago and i don't really understand what his reason is.
i can't accept his reason, because i think 'oh man that's not a good reason for us to break up!'
but yeah, it's his choice and i can do nothing.
i'm hurt, but.. i'm happy as long as he is happy.

i miss him so much. i miss his affection.
i miss the time when he touched my hair.
i miss the time when he smiled at me.
i miss the time when he stared into my eyes.
i miss the time when he held my hand tightly.
i miss his breath.
i miss his laugh.
i miss his 'handsome' face.
i MISS everything about him!

i know i shouldn't be down like this but this is what i feel.
falling for him when i know he doesn't want me anymore.
i know it's wrong, but i just can't.
how sad, isn't it?
when i remember our old-times, i'm kinda sad.
i cried so many times like a fool. HAHA
but i don't care. when i cried, i feel much BETTER.

last morning we talked, just a few words, as always.
BUT, it makes me happy.

I Am Who I Am

sometimes, i feel like i wanna be anyone else who's better than me.
i know, this is me. God created me for who i am.
i shouldn't feel that way.
but you know, we never happy for what we are and we want more.
i remember these words, which is made me know that i have to thanks to God for what i am.

you think you're not pretty, there's always someone uglier. you want more money, people are in poverty. you want a boyfriend, someone doesn't even have parents. you're hungry, a child is starving. you want to go to the mall, someone is looking for anything they can wear just to stay warm. you're chilly, others are frozen. you just want to die, most people want to live.

so, i won't waste my time on things that i think i want because there's always someone out there who needs it much more than i could ever possibility know. :]

I Don't Have Any Title

loosing someone that we love and care about is hard, just like what i feel right now.
it's been 1 year 5 months since he left.
i can't tell his name, but usually i called him BEE.
he's about 21 years old now.
yes, we're different 4 years. but it doesn't matter for us.
we were bestfriend, we were couple, we were partner in everything.
he is the one, i guess. i can't forget what he have done.
it's just, too sweet and pure.
he never mad at me, he tried to take care of me.
he is the best, after my father. but now, we can't stay together.
we had our reason. and we can't change it.
i wish him nothing but the best.
i miss him like hell, i hope he miss me too.
he is kind of perfect man. :]
one last time he said, "take care of yourself because i can't be there since now, i wish you happy."
he is the ONLY one who's brave enough to meet my father.
but it's all just memories and i knew that i can't take it back.

Surprised?!

yesterday, someone called Ayşenur M.Bulut told me that she had a surprise for me.

i don't know what it was, i kept waiting.

anyway she's my friend from Turkey.

we met on RP world. RP means RolePlay.

i can't explain what RP is, too complicated to tell. :P

and yeap! after a few moments, she uploaded a photo.

and here's the picture what she called 'surprise' for me. thanks Mel! ☺

Having Fun!

setelah beberapa minggu gue kangen sama kegilaan seseorang, terbayarlah sudah dengan kejadian kemarin.
jadi, beberapa hari yang lalu gue udah janjian sama sahabat gue namanya DISCA.
kita bertemu di suatu tempat dengan jam biasa kita ketemu (P.S 1 pm).
tadaaa! hari itu pun tiba, hari Sabtu tanggal 18 Februari 2012.
ga sabar ketemu sama si bebek satu itu. pokoknya kalo udah ketemu dan main bareng sama dia, rasanya itu ga mau pisah -_-
kenapa begitu? karena kalo gue lagi sama dia, dia ga bakal biarin gue sedih atau cemberut atau yang lainnya. dia akan selalu berusaha bikin gue ketawa. :D
nah back to the topic! kemarin setelah ketemu kita ga punya plan mau ngapain.
awalnya sih mau nonton ya, cuma karena dia terlambat dateng jadi ga nonton deh. :3
yaudah akhirnya kita makan abis itu keliling ke satu dep.store yang ada disana. (tempat dirahasiakan :P)
entah karena gue dan dia lagi banyak uang, kita jadi naksir baju banyaaaaaak banget hahaha. sampe bingung mau beli yang mana ._.
nah setelah hampir 2/3 jam keliling, kita langsung balik dan mampir ke carrefour untuk belanja.
sesampainya di carrefour, dia mulai 'curhat' tentang ga ada satu pun yang ngasih dia coklat di hari valentine -_- dan akhirnya dia beli coklat untuk dirinya sendiri! hahahaha.
setelah itu, kita mampir lagi ke Pizza Hut untuk makan yang kedua kalinya di hari itu.
dan entah kenapa dia bilang "tumben banget sih tik makan lo banyak." :L
ya sebenarnya kita ketemu cuma gitu-gitu aja sih, tapi kalo sama dia pasti berkesan. entah hal konyol yang selalu dia bikin atau lainnya.
terakhir pas pulang dia sempet bilang "tik, zodiak lo taurus ya? ternyata kita satu elemen loh, elemen tanah. pantes aja kita sama-sama gila dan apapun berasa nyambung."


what a wonderful day and how happy you made me! next time we should be crazier than today, girl! ;]

Valentine Day?

everyone said that it's valentine day. but for me today is tuesday, TUESDAY.
i thought today won't be a special day for me, but i was wrong.
i was going to Jen's party. yes, today is his birthday.
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY, JEN! wish you nothing but the best.
actually it was Teta's plan, Jen's girlfriend.
and i'm kinda upset when i know that Jen ain't surprised -_-
but, it's fine. atleast, it's going well.
after Jen's party, i'm going to cinema with my beloved mother.
we were watching "Journey 2 The Mysterious Island"
the movie was good, yeah it's not that bad. but the first one still the best.
one thing i have to tell, i am happy enough today! :) 

yes, he is Stefanus Jenniyus Lauw! xD

is she my [real] soulmate? :)

her names DISCA. i met her when we were in 11th grade.
when the first time we met, i think she is just an ordinary girl, nothing special on her.
but after a long time i know her, she is perfect mate ever.
i never found a person like her.
she is insane just like me, we adore (old) love songs, we love to watch movies, and anything else.
sometimes we are going to the book store to find some books or just hang out.
i am happy and feels like i am the luckiest person to have her as my bestfriend.
when i talked about boys, she is listening to me.
and when i broke up with a boy, she is always here to cheer me up.
seriously, she is just like, more than my real sister.
can i say that she is my [real] soulmate? :)
i don't know.
but the most thing i love from her is she accepted me as who i am.

see? now you can see how care she is. so, is she my [real] soulmate? :)

It's About You

i don't really know what to say, it's just that i miss you so bad today, and i don't know what to do! i miss those unconditional love you used to give. how you treat me every single day and the way you make me laugh everytime you near me. you make me feel confident and yeah i love you just the way you are. those compliment yeah those sweet words, i just want it back. you make me feel amazing, you make me feel i am loved and i'm worth it. i don't regret what's been happening. i'm just sorry i can't be the one for you and i'm sorry for hurting you. i want to hold you but i know it's the best if i let you go. i don't know what else to do. i can only say i miss you so much! and i really do wish you are here to say that you miss me too. but the fact is you won't. i will try my best to be happy when you are. :')